I filed my nails
so you could feel
the bluntness of my soul
against the hardness of your words
each time you breathe
my world caves in
until this passenger seat
isn’t enough room for us
And that orange streetlight.
Looks so delicate in its
as ribcages grind
and wounds are met
Tonight I am free.
There’s something calming about self destruction.
A wave of rage quickly faltered with simple pain.
A breakfast of cigarettes, a dinner of alcohol.
Smoking joints slowly like sipping on hot tea.
And it’s quiet inside my head today. That’s when the sun shines in and warms up my heart.
I am awake.
I am awake.
I am awake.
Opening eyes to a darkened room, a feeling of guilt overrided by the feeling of elation.
As I remember that last night’s dinner was washed down the drain along with self respect and self worth.
It’s not enough to make me smile.
A wall crumbled between us before. And there’s no way in knowing how far we will fall.
Just to feel alive
Just to feel small
It would be foolish of me to place so much trust in someone I know so little about. Maybe that’s why I trust you, because to know someone is to know their flaws. And to know their flaws means they are human. Capable of love, miscalculations, lies. And I don’t want an emotional affair, but a physical presence. Warmth of another’s hand, of their lips and breath.
I wonder what crosses your mind when you first wake up. A life disordered, a mind uncluttered. And you would breathe in the morning fog and wish away your heart’s desire. Because to you, a distraction is worthless, a time used up. You would sit and reach out for a book instead of your phone. You would reach for success instead of me. You would.
You are the sweetest sunset I have ever tasted.
You are the most delicate pink,
The deepest red,
But I just want you to fuck me.
You are here and I wish you were closer, closer, closer.
You took your heart away and my purpose became less clear.
I am absorbing your thoughts and feelings as you release them into the night.
And you are gone gone gone.
And I am empty empty empty.
The void threatens my inadequate existence.
There’s no light in the world.
There’s no distance I could imagine.
We are small.
And I would never compare my love to the vastness of the universe again.
I am egocentric.
And you aren’t worth that awe.
You are the soft breath of an infant. Fragile, harmless, trusting.
You are human.
And that is beautiful.
I am engorged like a high tide with nowhere to go. Crashing against barriers. Spilling over.